Thursday, September 23, 2010

The women are smarter

I was in the GYN office, not particularly wanting to be there, and feeling kind of tired.  I was resting my head on my arms which were crossed over one side of the chair arm, much akin to napping in school but to the side.

From somewhere in the middle of the line of chairs a woman reads aloud from a magazine; "A man does not know anything about a woman  until he gets married."

From my odd perspective both physical and mental,  not missing a beat, I reply "A man does not know anything about a woman  until he asks her."

A man's voice sounds from the far corner, "That's the smartest thing I heard all day".  Then a lively discussion ensued.

Glad to be of help, I said, just as my name was called.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Midnight Ramble

When you are alone in the house, you don't have to play by the rules.  You can get up, walk around, eat stuff you are not supposed to, blog all night, etc.  Frankly, my eating is off, and a good thing too, I am losing weight like crazy but my clothes still fit. (drat!)  Also, I am not eating like a hog, but I decided not to cook for a while.  You do not know what a relief that is! 

I picture myself just tossing out what's in the fridge, day by day, as if in a short film:
Monday: smell milk, if questionable, spill down sink, rinse jug and put in recycling container.  All of this is taken from a rear view as if the camera is behind me.

Tuesday: Attack the veg bin, look for leakage or soppy vegetables, put in compost pile, clean out drawer.

You get the general picture.  I can take all the canned stuff to the food bank at the church across the street.  For some reason they specialize in harboring immigrants.  Go figure people out, I sure don't understand it, but maybe they will love my old cans of chinese mushrooms and water chestnuts. (I like to be prepared for all contingencies).

So, the big deal is that I got a glass of ice water, and came up to write this.  I was asleep but a wrong number woke me at 12:30 and I spent some time switching back and forth between Jimmy Fallon and Craig Ferguson.  They were both pretty funny, but I hate the comercials.

I'm sleeping on half the bed.  It saves a lot of bed making time in the morning.  That's another rule you can break.  You can sleep any way you want, sideways, for instance, but I don't recommend it. Bad feng shui.

This is not as funny as I had envisioned it.  I had some deal in my head about making something with the "magic bullet blender" that you buy on paid for TV.  I forget what I was thinking of making now, so that's lame.  Those deals are so bizarre.  I can just see people at home thinking; yeah, that seems like such a great deal, and I can give the extra (fill in the blank here) to my sister... but of course, they are mostly crap, plastic crap, made in china and guaranteed to break very soon after opening and quizzling around with the chinese goofy translated instructions. (as if anyone ever reads instructions).
The Ikea instructions are goofy too, in that they are mostly pictograms, but odd.  Why should I put the dried cod in the sofa bed, you are wondering, looking at the booklet.  Where can I put all these stupid allen wrenches after the book case is together that I won't lose them?  They end up in the kitchen junk drawer, and eventually you find them and toss them because you forgot what they go to, and then the book case starts to wobble..... you know how that works.

The other night I went to the movies alone.  It's  little screening room, and I was the only one there.  I took a seat in a minimally uncomfortable tub chair with a table, arranged my water and gummy bears, and had a little show just for me.  How decadent, and indeed how wonderful.

I saw The Extra Man starring Kevin Kline (he was in A Fish Called Wanda).  This one  was kind of a strange movie.  He was a down on his luck ex-playwright who is a walker for old women in New York, and he rents part of his crappy apartment to a young man with a curiosity about women's undergarments.  Yeah, it got a bit wierd, but it was oddly uplifting, and had a happy ending.  I laughed, I cried, yada yada yada, I'm not so good with book reports or movie reviews, as you may have noticed.  Anyway, it was pretty stupendous.  And then I walked the 2 blocks back home where I could do anything I wanted, and didn't.

What do you do alone in the house?  Tell me a story.  I'm thinking of sending a prize to the winner.  It's a secret prize.  Might be on my Etsy Store.  tell me what you might pick.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I fall Down

the garage

Well, I fell down the other day.  I wanted to tell people "I took a header" but no one knows what that means any more. 

I did not break a hip.  In fact, I don't think I broke anything larger than my humility, but I can feel a bruise high up on my chest.  I think I actually bruised a rib.I can't see anything though.

Oh yes, and my knees, you don't want to see that.

So now, I am just achy and scabby, like  a couple of cowpokes out on the prairie.  My sister asked if I went to the hospital, but I don't think that's where you go for skinned knees.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you this.  I should really tell you about the neclace and broken bracelet I bought at the yard sale right before this, but I have not taken a photo yet.

Man! this computer keyboard is really loud this morning!

So, I was at my neighbor's yard sale, she is in the friends of the animals, (no kidding) and was a professional estate sale type.  She's sort of retired, but cannot resist other people's stuff.  She always wants to get together for lunch but continues to forget that I do not know her last name or phone number, so when she called later to see if I was okay, I still did not have her phone number to call back.

I gotta walk over there.

I gotta walk a lot, because in the fall, I get so achy, I could die.  If you walk, it takes all the pains away, don't know why.  It's as if nature just sucks all the ache out of you.  Try it, won't you?  It could not hurt.  Just do a couple of blocks and build yourself up.  At one point I was doing about 4 miles each morning, if I can believe my pedometer.  I'm going to say it works, and that it was four whole or part miles I used to walk. 

Git along, lil' dogie, but don't fall down.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Better Living Through Chemistry.

It's definitely fall and I'm so relieved.  This summer has been a veritable hell, what with the weather and the health decline, etc.  I've had just the most terrible day, and yet, right near the finish line, I have sold an item, and that cheers me up again.

It was my grandfather's mortar and pestle.  He was a chemist, and being born in the 1800's, chemistry was tantamount to alchemy.  He loved everything natural that could be produced artificially.  It was new, exciting, and he had tons of ideas.

He was kind of old already when my Dad and his Brother were born, so he was not a ball player, or  anything like that, but he had his charms.

He looked like Teddy Roosevelt.  He made us bubble bath and a giant bubble wand to play with in the yard.
He grew hydroponic tomatoes in the 1940's in his basement.  Dad said they were as big as your head, but tasted like water.

 Also, he gave me a solar motor in the 1960's.  It was set up in a cigar box, and spun a striped circle so you would get dizzy watching it.  He also gave me a black light, and a bunch of metallic stones that glowed under it.  That was fun, sort of.

He also figured out how to blow artificial scents from the fronts of stores so that people would be lured in to buy coffee, or pastries, anything like that.  He left a formulary, which tells me how to make cosmetics out of chemicals, so backward, but for him so modern.

So, I'm a little sad about letting it go.  Aside from that I have a few tiny little chemistry pots and lenses, and that's about it.  I have the memories, and that is what I will keep.